Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Quick Update

Just a brief update:

1) Got married. Again. And it was a wonderful weekend. The ceremony was great, the reception was a lot of fun, the rehearsal dinner was tasty. It was so great to see family and friends all together to celebrate with us. It meant a lot to me. I also got to play lasertag, where I proceeded to destroy everyone in our first game, winning by something like 150 points. I got to see my best friends that I had not been able to hang out with in forever. And the whole wedding party got along ridiculously well. So well, in fact, that we all became depressed when we got back to our respective homes, which resulted in the immediate planning of a reunion. And to top it all off, my groomsmen, those wonderful, upstanding young gentlemen, got me quite possibly the best wedding gift ever: an XBox 360.

2) I've been playing a lot of XBox since we got back. Which is probably why I haven't updated.

3) Still looking for a job. I've had some meetings/interviews, and I hope to hear from some places soon. I'm really hoping something comes through soon. I've been trying to be patient, to wait upon the Lord, as it goes. Again, I know this is what I'm called to do, what I want to do with my life. When you know that, it makes you all the more eager to get started.

4) Jill and I are getting ready to go to Alaska. We leave Sept. 1 and will be back the 9th. I'm extremely excited. This will be my first cruise, and my first time out of the country (as we depart from Vancouver, B.C., Canada). Yeah, I'll only be in another country for a few hours, but hey, it counts. Even if is it only America's hat.

5) My dad is feeling better. He's recuperating. Of course, my sister has been sick the last few days, with gallstone/kidney stone issues. My mom and I are wagering on which of us is next. It's ridiculous.

6) That's about all I have for now. I have to go get started on dinner.


Sunday, August 10, 2008

Blogstravaganza limps to the finish line...

The last entry in the inaugural (and likely last) Blogstravaganza is finally here. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Or something.

Today was definitely better than yesterday. No random phone calls telling me a family member was in the hospital. In fact, my dad was able to go home this afternoon, where he is resting and recuperating. He's not the best patient, and he hates hospitals, so I'm sure he's glad to be home. He's sore and in pain, but it should get better in a few days/weeks. I'm relieved that everything went as well as it did. he's had a lot of health issues in the last few years, both he and my mom. It's hard not being there for them, unable to help out or lend support or just being present. So I pray. And I call. It's really all I can do.

In other news, I've decided that team handball looks incredibly fun. If you can't tell, I've been watching the Olympics quite a bit. At least, that is whenever I can figure out how to do so; whether a sport is on tv, or delayed, or streaming live. NBC has messed up in making their Olympics website user-friendly and easy to navigate. An absolute mess. Epic fail.

Back to the point... handball is a cross between basketball and hockey, minus the sticks and fights and plus a few more teeth. Not to mention fewer Canadians. Or perhaps it's better defined as dry water polo. Either way, it looks like fun, and I expect it to see some rise in popularity here in the US due to these Olympics. Much like the recent rise in Dodgeball after the movie came out, handball can only benefit from some screen time. Even if it's only available on your computer. That is, if one can figure out how to watch it. I'm still struggling. I randomly fell into a match earlier today, but I'm not sure I can get back to the handball video section. Thanks, NBC. Way to make your website for this ridiculously huge sporting event incredibly difficult when it doesn't have to be.

End Rant.

End Blogstravaganza.

I have nothing more to say.

I'm out.


Saturday, August 09, 2008

Crappy day...

Today was kinda crappy. I got a call from my mom this morning, telling me she was at the hospital with my dad, who was having what felt like horrible indigestion/chest pain. Not a good sign for someone who had a heart attack 3 years ago. Turns out it wasn't a heart issue, but rather he had gallstones and a hernia. He had surgery this afternoon, and it went as well as it could. The gallstones are out and the hernia is fixed. He's recuperating and should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon as long as all goes well between now and then. So if you're the praying type, it would be much appreciated.

Other random small crappy stuff happened today that just made it a very frustrating day, like the universe just decided to smack me around a little.

That's all I have for right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.


Friday, August 08, 2008

(I forgot to title this one yesterday when I originally posted it)

Blogstravaganza '08: now with electrolytes...

Jill and I just got back from watching "Stepbrothers." Absolutely ridiculous. Ferrell, Reilly & co. once again deliver a truckload of laughs from a handful of idea. There honestly isn't much there, just an outlet for these two actors to act as ludicrous as you can imagine. I laughed. Hard and often. If you need a good laugh, it's definitely worth your time. Although, I am pretty disappointed that the line about a dead raccoon filled with ricotta cheese is not actually in the movie.

In other news, the University of Kentucky Wildcats just got a commitment from a highly-touted Texas QB, Ryan Mossakowski (via KentuckySportsRadio). It's an extremely difficult task for UK to get great talent due to their rather pitiful past, much less great talent from football hotbeds such as Texas. Perhaps things are really changing, and the best prospects are now at least considering UK (and occasionally making their way there). This is good news for Cat fans. Hopefully Coach Brooks (and Coach-In-Waiting Joker Phillips) have started something here.

What else to add... I guess not much. This blogging every day experiment is a challenge, especially when I live a pretty uneventful life at present. I never have much to say to begin with, so trying to write something worth reading every day is... Well, I'm not even sure it's worth reading....haha. But I shall press on. I promised a week's worth of blogs. And I aim to deliver.

Anyway, that's all I have for now.


Thursday, August 07, 2008

Parting Ways and Part-time

Blogstravaganza '08: Eclectic Blogaloo

It's weird seeing Brett Favre holding a Jets jersey. Something's not quite right about the picture, like it's from bizarro world. There are no real winners in this situation, either. Green Bay loses a legend and its chances of a great season and Favre loses some of his legacy. The Jets do get a great QB, but he's almost 39, and is at best a short term solution to a long term problem. I'm a huge Favre fan; he's the reason I am a Green Bay fan. But even I know he is nearing the end of his playing career. Last season was great, and this season could have been pretty good had he made it clear from the start he wanted to play again. The team, initially left with the only option of moving on, did that as best they could. The whole thing just stinks.

Also, I had a meeting today with the pastor of the church where I'll be interviewing on Tuesday. It went really well, I think. It's only a part-time position, though, so I'm not sure what to do or how to continue on. The simple reality is that I need a full-time job (or at least full-time pay). And the other reality is that there is no such thing as part-time ministry. Doesn't happen. So, we'll see how it goes. It would be a very good place to work, and the position could grow to full-time. I just wonder if we can get by until that point. I could get another part-time job, but two part-times don't truly equal a full-time, once one factors in benefits like health insurance, etc.

Hopefully something will happen. That's all in God's hands, not mine. I'll do all I can here. The rest is beyond my control. Hopefully my creditors will be patient...

Just out of curiosity, does anyone read this? I'm thinking about adding a hit counter to see. I'm not sure who my audience is, if there is one.

I suppose that is all I have for today. Back to watching preseason football.


Wednesday, August 06, 2008

And It's a Good Day...

Blogstravangza '08 marches on...

Today is a good day. Today I a) won a prize from AAA where Jill and I had booked our honeymoon cruise. True, it was just a girly travel bag, but I won it nonetheless; b) I spent most of the day relaxing and running errands; c) I had a delicious chicken quesadilla for lunch and chicken teriyaki for dinner and most importantly...

d) I have a job interview on Tuesday of next week.

This is fantastic. Despite all my efforts so far, actually getting an interview is a difficult task. Most of my prospective jobs are moving a bit slower, still gathering resumes and not ready to interview yet. So the fact that I emailed this church just yesterday and they have already called me back and scheduled an interview for Tuesday (plus meeting the pastor tomorrow morning) is a remarkable feat. I really hope it goes well.

So, prayers and thoughts and such would be greatly appreciated.

That's about all I have right now.

Oh, also I've been listening to Obadiah Parker today. And you should too. Excellent music. Plus, their lead singer, Mat Weddle, did an amazing cover of Outkast's "Hey Ya." You can find it on YouTube and their music on iTunes. Go. Listen now. You can thank me later.


Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Catnapping and Culinary Quests...

Blogstravaganza '08 continues...

Well, last time I mentioned the missing cat. This evening I was sitting on the couch watching TV and Jill was outside talking on the phone, when she suddenly comes back inside, telling me she thinks she has found the cat. I go outside and work my cat-whisperer skills, getting the cat to come right up to me. I (gently) grab it, and put it in our garage while Jill calls the number on the flyer.

I'm thinking we're about to be $1000 richer.

Turns out, someone had already returned their beloved feline to them. So, here we are. Cat-nappers. And not the afternoon-dozing kind. The kind that grab some random cat (who looks almost exactly like the one pictured on the flyer) and stick it in a garage for pseudo-ransom.

We released the cat, unscathed and no worse for wear.


On to the rest of today's post...

One of the things I'm learning about married life is the fact that Jill and I have a limited repertoire when it comes to cooking. Between us, we can cook a few dishes well, and dinner each night involves us sitting around for anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes deciding what to do for dinner. The conversation usually goes as such: "What do you want to for dinner? I don't know; what do you want to do? Oh, I don't know...." The banter revolves around each of us suggesting the other make a decision, namely, I think, because neither of us is exceptionally picky or prone to intense cravings for some specific food.

Deciding what to do for dinner is the most difficult decision I make these days.

Jill, ever the creature of habit and order, likes to eat the same things often. I enjoy making/eating different things, but that desire is tempered by my inherent laziness and current lack of culinary prowess. Such a quandary.

We have a collection of nice cookbooks, gifts from the wedding/shower/etc., but we always seem to be missing some ingredient or another. One very interesting tool we discovered to combat this failing is

This site lets you enter in the ingredients you have on hand, and it spits back a collection of recipes using the ingredients you actually have. It's been pretty helpful, even providing us with our new favorite dish, which is essentially chicken teriyaki with rice and veggies. It's fantastic, if I do say so myself. (Did I mention I'm the head chef at Chez Howard?)

That's about all I have for now. Back tomorrow with something for the world to not read.


Monday, August 04, 2008

Blogstravaganza '08

That's right! It's Blogstravaganza 2008, wherein I shall attempt the utterly remarkable, the monumental task of blogging for an entire week. Starting today.

Today's post: Cat Hunting.

Evidently, there is someone in our neighborhood who has lost their cat. Lynus is an 8 pound tabby cat, and the owners are desperate to find him. So desperate, in fact, that they sent flyers out in the mail to places around us. One of these flyers ended up in the hands of someone at Jill's job who happens to live near us. She told Jill about it, and Jill brought home a flyer.

These people want this cat back so much, they have offered a reward.

A $1000 reward.

And here's the best part.

Jill and I are pretty sure we've seen this cat hanging around our house. On more than one occasion. So, I am now hunting for this cat. Being unemployed, this is a good deal. For no more than the cost of looking out our windows and catching this poor homeless cat, I could make a cool grand.

It's the best job prospect I've had since we moved here....haha.

So, I'm now in the animal control business. Wish me luck. I'ma go catch me a kitty.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Hire Me!

I need a job. Now. Someone hire me.

That's about the only thing going on right now for me, this slowly moving job search. I've sent out resume after resume, called place after place only to find the position has been filled. I can't seem to buy an interview, or even an email telling me what the time line is for the position search.

Which leaves me very frustrated, and torn as to what to do. Do I go to McDonalds and try to get a job there while I wait for something more, well, more befitting my calling? Of course, I'm not sure if they would even hire me- I've got to be gone for nearly two weeks over the next month and a half with the wedding and the honeymoon.

The whole thing is ridiculous. I'm trying not to be envious of all the Methodists out there who don't have to deal with this particular frustration. You all know that you have a job. It may not be in the best of locations or exactly what you wanted to do. But it's a job. It's something you're called to and want to do. It pays the bills. It gives you something to do with your day besides household chores and killing vast amounts of time on the internet playing games and reading ESPN.

I need a job. And I don't know what I can do to further facilitate the acquisition of said job. I am frustrated. I KNOW I am called to work with youth, that this is the vocational passion of my life. While not trying to sound arrogant, I know I will be good at this kind of job. If only I can get it.

So I wait. I'm trying to wait patiently on the Lord (and the Lord's followers) as the Good Book says.

But the bills are stacking up, though not as high as the mountain of unknowing and frustration that comes from not having gainful employment. And on this mountain I sit, waiting.


Friday, July 04, 2008

Fire In the Hole!

Avast ye scalawags and other assorted piratey greetings. It would appear that our otherwise quiet neighborhood is, at present, being besieged by pirate ships with long guns and cannons. This siege started yesterday afternoon. I was sitting at the dining room table reading when all of the sudden...


I actually jumped out of my chair it was so loud. You hear cannons in movies, the roaring concussive sound that vibrates the air around you. That was exactly what it sounded like. The shelling continued intermittently all day, and into the night. There was a ceasefire from about 1:00am until roughly 11:00am this morning.

The shelling continues today. Morale is dropping. The crew is tense, anticipating the clash of swords to come. We are also curious as to how the ship will approach our landlocked abode.

I am scrambling around the house, preparing munitions and stockpiling supplies. Also, I am looking for billowing shirts and bandanas, as well as a hat befitting someone of my rank.

I need to acquire a parrot, and perhaps a hook and/or eyepatch.

But not scurvy. That stuff is horrible. Trust me.

I will continue to send updates as circumstances allow. May God have mercy on us all...

Thursday, July 03, 2008


You would think that someone with no job might be more inclined to post more than, oh, once every month or so.

Not me.

I still have no job.

And I'm getting frustrated.

I've been applying for everything I can find that is a) remotely related to what I am called to/interested in/ educated and trained for, b) full time, c) financially suitable and d) within a reasonable commute.

It's a limited group, but a group nonetheless. Now I'm just waiting for everyone else to do their thing. Until then, I am spending my days as a househusband. It's actually not a bad gig- I clean, cook, run errands, etc. It wouldn't be a bad full time job. Of course, this job doesn't pay well. Or at all.


Other than being unemployed and waiting, life is going well. Jill and I are settled in at the parsonage. It's weird being in a whole house when it's only the two of us. We have tons of room (compared to an apartment), and the house is pretty nice. Our neighbors are very nice. Believe it or not, we've actually had a few people bring us cookies and muffins and the like. I wasn't sure people still did that. You see it in movies, or '50's TV shows, but now? Yeah it actually happens. That was very nice. The people at Memorial have also been extremely kind and welcoming, having us over for dinner and even contacting people they know to help aid in my job search.

Now, I'm just waiting to interview and to hopefully get a rewarding job. I KNOW I can do the jobs for which I've applied in at least a satisfactory manner. I KNOW I am educated enough for this. I KNOW I have been preparing for this for many years. Now I just need a chance to show all this to someone who can hire me and pay me.

Until then, I'll be keeping house. And waiting.


Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Married, Done with school, Unemployed...

Each of those words/phrases now describes me.

Jill and I had a small ceremony on the Quad at Emory on 4/18. We had two of our friends and classmates officiate, another friend play some music, a friend read some scripture, and a ton of friends surrounding us, supporting us. It was a really awesome time. Then we went to our fantastic reception...aka Candler Prom. It was a great night.

I finished my last paper for Candler, and perhaps my last paper forever, last Friday at about 4:30. It was a glorious feeling. I literally felt my shoulders lift, the burden I had carried for as long as I can remember now gone from me. No tests. No papers. No projects. My academic career is complete, at least for now. I might go back in the future (or back to the future? Baa-bum-bah!), but my brain needs a break. And now it has it. I am relishing this fact very much.

And now, I am looking for a job. I sent my resume to close to 50 churches and other places. Now, the waiting game. It's killing me. This is one of those times where I envy my Methodist friends. While they don't get a choice in their position, they are guaranteed a job (assuming they get commissioned). That would be nice. Instead, I sit here, getting ready to move to a place I've never known. I don't have any connections there. And I've found that, more important than your skills or ability or potential, what matters most in the job hunt is knowing someone who can put in a good word from the inside. Yes, I have references who will gladly say some good things about me (I hope?), but they, too, are outsiders in a sense.

So, I'm praying. And waiting. And hoping that I will be able to find some employment that means something to me. A way to put into practice the knowledge I've been stockpiling. I hope it works out. I don't want to be a cubicle monkey, but I will if I have to. Let's hope I don't.

That about covers it. Now that school is over, hopefully I'll be able to come up with more substantive and mind-stimulating posts.


Thursday, April 10, 2008

On Injustice and Inequality...

Warning: this post is mostly a rant. But I think my point is true.

Candler has a Spring Banquet (aka Candler Prom) every year, a final celebration for the past year. It's a nice, formal dinner/dance (sort of). It requires that I a) wear a suit, b) be social and c) pay $20 for this privilege. Well, I suppose I should say someone has to pay for my ticket. This year, Jill bought our tickets, on account of me being BROKE. That's beside the point.

This event costs $20 per person. This is fine. Maybe a bit steep given the quality of the food, but still, it's not unreasonable. But here is what is unreasonable to me: Candler's international students, of which there are a great many, get to attend for free.

Let me preface the following rant by making clear that I have no problem with international students. I am very much in favor of their presence here. Living and learning with people from a variety of countries throughout my Candler career has been a great experience. They bring extremely valuable insights and new ideas and ways of looking at things. We would miss out on so much without their presence. I am truly thankful that I have met and learned with and from them. My roommate first year was part of a German exchange program. Bjoern was very cool, and I learned a lot from him in our living and talking together. I have no issue with international students. Just wanted to get that our there.

My issue is why we have to pay, and they do not. Candler talks a great deal about justice and equality. But this is unjust and definitely not equal treatment. To be sure, it isn't unjust on the level of issues we normally discuss at school. It is most definitely not comparable to issues such as racism, or violence, or any number of societal ills.

But it is not fair. It is not treating people as equals. And don't try to say "oh, they're international students, maybe they come from poor countries and don't have any money." There are two issues with that: 1) We're all in grad school. Most of us are broke. 2) I can't tell you how many of my international neighbors I see driving brand new cars. If they can afford a new car, they can surely afford to pay for their own dinner.

Back to my point- it is not equal. And I can't tell you how many times I have heard students, faculty, staff, etc. preach and talk about equality and justice and fairness and so forth. So, we have a situation here. To quote Dr. King, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

How can we, as a school (and one could extrapolate, as a Church, or a society), expect to effect any justice or equality on a large scale in the world, when we can't even get the small stuff right? How can we expect to overcome the injustice in the world at large when we continue to inflict it in our own small worlds?

The way I see it, Candler has a few options. One, they could make international students pay just like the rest of us. Two, they could make the rest of us not pay. Three, they could just not have Spring Banquet and avoid the issue entirely (here's an idea- give the money that might otherwise be spent on "Candler Prom" to a worthy cause!). Or four, they could leave things the way they are. Three of these options truly address the issue and are, I would argue, more just. Either make international students pay, or make no one pay. Or we can simply cancel the whole thing, and give the money to the One campaign, or for malaria nets, or any one of a million causes.

The other option, maintaining the status quo, just furthers something that I believe the school would fight against (and does) in other forms. Why is injustice acceptable in some forms, but not others? Who decides what those acceptable forms of injustice are? As I mentioned before, I am not trying to compare this issue with larger, much more important issues. Just pointing out the parallels.

I am, however, reminded of Christ's words in Luke 16 discussing the parable of the dishonest manager. Essentially, the lesson is "one who can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with little will also be dishonest with much." If we want to change the big things, it has to start with the small things. It's like learning to crawl before walking before running. You can't just expect to be born running, the same way we can't just expect to stop the huge issues of our world like poverty or racism or genocide without first facing them down in our own lives.

Candler has a chance to fix one very small thing. Will they? Oh, I doubt it. But I'll at least try to address it in my own life and practice what I preach.

EDIT: After contacting Candler admin., I have learned several things that should temper this response; namely that international students are ineligible for student loans, which has to make attending here incredibly difficult. Additionally, the receive significantly fewer scholarships. I assumed, falsely, that they were receiving scholarships from their home countries or churches that enabled them to journey here to study. Mea culpa. That being said, I have a better grasp now of the rationale. I also learned that the fee can be waived for domestic students who can demonstrate financial hardship.

That essentially eliminates my argument. I give Candler too little credit at times. My apologies.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

So... I'm engaged!

That's right... Jill and I are engaged as of about 6:30pm Monday, February 4, 2008. I am extremely excited about all of this. I think I've told the story at least a dozen times, and I'm sure she's told it even more. Here's a brief recap for the two or three people in our world who might not have heard:

About 6-8 months ago, I was leaving Jill's apartment (back when we lived in Turner Village). Her cable ran along the wall and in front of her door frame, so it often came unstuck. I knelt down on one knee to tape it back in place, and as I was doing that, I thought I might mess with her a little bit. I reached into my pocket as though I were grabbing a surprise (i.e. an engagement ring). She looked really shocked, scared even. She said "Don't do that. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I laughed, and told her the next time I was down on one knee in front of her, I'd have a ring and it would be a real proposal.

Fast forward to Monday. We had made plans to go grab some dinner at Panera. I showed up at her door at 6:30 and knocked. I was on one knee, "tying my shoe" (which I had to untie beforehand to make it look real). When she came to the door, I tied my shoe, and then looked at her, asking "Do you remember what I told you the last time I was on my knees like this?..." Her eyes lit up, and her hand flew up to her face. I said "Will you marry me?" and after a brief pause (I'm hoping due to surprise/shock, not fear or disgust), she said yes. Then we made the requisite calls to family and friends, got dressed up and went to dinner at Le Giverny, a nice French restaurant, which was the first nice place she and I went as a couple.

The wedding will be this summer, at a date not yet set.

So, needless to say, it has been an incredible week. Looking back over the last few years, it has been an interesting journey. Coming in to Candler, I was beginning to wonder if I was going to spend the rest of my life as a lonely old man. But my wonder was premature. From the very first day at Candler, when I met Jill at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Center, I felt something important there, something more than the joy of making a new friend. This was deeper, a connection that felt like it had always been there, and I was just stumbling upon it. The shifting sand of life, shaken up by my move to Atlanta and starting grad school, had brought forth this connection to someone I had just met, but felt like I had known from childhood. I know it sounds dramatic, cheesy, whatever, but the point is is that it was very, very real, and still is.

We didn't start dating until last December ('06, not '07), but by that point she was easily my best friend. No one else was close (not discounting the great friendships I have- don't get the wrong idea y'all). From the beginning, we just clicked. To steal from the band Mae, "I [could] feel something different from the first time/ Heaven made sense, and all the words rhymed." ( From the song "Ready and Waiting to Fall").

Being with her has always made sense. So, naturally I want to be with her always. Call it sappy, call it romantic, call it what you will. I call it real. And now I call her my fiancee.

And that is the best news I may have ever had.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Music to my ears...

I stretched out on my floor this afternoon and listened to music. I haven't done this in forever. I mean, I have music on all the time in the background while I write papers or read for class or kill time on Facebook or playing games on the internet, but I can't remember the last time I sat down and listened to an entire album, start to finish, doing nothing but soaking in the sound. Not using it as background noise just so there's something to hear, but rather really listening to it, trying to hear what the artist is saying.

I realized how much I miss it.

As I lay sprawled out on the floor, listening to Thrice's "Water" disc from "The Alchemy Index," I spent half an hour soaking up an amazing work of art. This EP is part of what will eventually be a 4-disc set, each disc devoted to one of the four elements- earth, air, fire, and water, each with its own distinct feel. The fire and water albums, which are part of "The Alchemy Index, pt. I" are out now, with earth and air coming out as pt. 2 this spring. The fire album is raw molten metal, brimming with a prophetic defiance. Water, on the other hand, has a more introspective, solitary feel, making excellent use of digital effects to give each song a distinctly aquatic feel. If you're interested in some amazing music with intelligent, though-provoking lyrics, check them out. They're my favorite band...ever. I can firmly say that. Each album finds them getting better and better.

Where was I going?


I have a rather sizable collection of music, but most of the time I find I'm only using it to fill up the quiet. It's there, but I'm not giving it real attention. I use it as a token, a perfunctory relationship that I exploit when I need it to do something for me.

And I realize, this is often times how I live my relationship with God. It's always there. I'm surrounded by the idea of God, discussion of God, studying about God, etc. I am in seminary, after all. But so often, I'm just using it as filler, as background noise, instead of really listening, instead of really engaging.


This revelation hurts a bit. It makes me realize that I'm not just here to get a degree, to read about God. I'm here because of a calling, because of my part in an ongoing relationship with Christ. And there are times when I'm just not as involved as I need to be. Instead of putting this relationship on as background noise, I need to listen. I need to engage, to hear what is being said. To respond.

I realized how much I miss it.

I realize also that no matter how much I can get it screwed up, the grace is still there. The music has never stopped playing; notes and lines continue to sound from speakers. But the whole time, the song remained the same.

I just forgot how to listen intentionally.

So I try to listen. To quiet my own noise, and listen.

To quote Thrice:

"I am drowning in a digital sea
I am slipping between the sound
Here my voice goes to ones and zeroes
I'm slipping beneath the sound"

-"Digital Sea"

Here my voice goes to ones and zeroes... now maybe I can begin to listen again.