Community?

Here's what's happenin' ...

Today is my mom's birthday! So, happy birthday mom. This is when it sucks being 6 hours away, for stuff like birthdays and mother/father days and so on. I feel like a bad son, as I haven't been home in 6 months. Literally. But I'll make it home eventually. I think...

I've been trying to buy an iPod for like 2 months, and I'm not having any luck. I bought one from someone on eBay, and they didn't come through with it. Then I bought another one, and the jerk never sent it. So I'm in the middle of filing a claim against them to get my money back. It's so frustrating. I will give it one more shot, and then I'm just going to give up using eBay. I guess it's what I get for trying to save some money.

Thanks to Jill's mom, I'm currently reading a book called "The Book of Dave," by Will Self. To briefly summarize the plot, it is set in a sort of post-apocalyptic England where society has been recreated in light of the discovery of a book that was written around the turn of the millennium (2000 or so). This book was written by a cab driver named Dave who wrote the book for his son, in hopes that his son might find it one day. Anyway, the book gets discovered post-apocalypse and society is built upon the knowledge the book contains (which is all rather slanted to Dave's viewpoint).

In light of beginning to read this book (I haven't finished it yet), as well as many conversations with Jill and others, I've been thinking a lot about community. We hear a lot about this at Candler, about the value of community and how it is central to the Christian life. I completely agree that Christianity is very focused on community, both the community of the church as well as the community of humanity. Community is definitely a buzzword here, arising in pretty much every class discussion, many social conversations, etc. We spend a great deal of time thinking and talking about it. At Candler, they even consciously try to foster a strong sense of community.

But here's the deal- You cannot throw a group of people into a colloquy and simply expect them to instantly become a tight-knit community. But this is how Candler seems to think it works. Throughout Con Ed, New Testament, etc., it seems the powers that be think that we'll all just instantly become BFF's and open up to each other.

Wrong.

Community has to be organic. If we want it to be real, community cannot be forced. It cannot be mandated. It has to come out of the free choice (followed by deliberate effort to make it work) of those wishing to be in the community. You cannot make someone like someone, or make people open up to each other and share deep, sincere feelings, thoughts and so forth. I think stuff like that has to happen over time, and those involved need to have a choice in how that happens. You just can't force real community. Oh, you can make these groups and hope it happens (and sometimes it does). Or you might get the fake sense of community that I feel comes out of Con Ed (where we all sit together for 2 hours a week and get along, and then go our separate ways as soon as it's over) but I think real, true community has to come from choice.

Looking at the gospels (hey, imagine that!), we see Jesus reaching out to people, repeatedly saying "Follow me..." The gospel stories tell us that most of the time, people followed. Of course, there is the story of rich young ruler who walks away after being told he must give up everything to follow Jesus. But I think what we may overlook is the fact that these people (even though the very Son of God was asking them) had a choice to participate in the community. They made a conscious decision to follow Christ and participate in that community. They weren't names on a list thrown into a too-small classroom and almost forced to engage a group of strangers. To be fair, this can sometimes work. There are situations where random people forced into a group can become a real community, but my point is that I think one gets better relationships when people can choose. Of course, I am not encouraging some clique-type behavior where a group begins to exclude people via their choices.

This is where I think the Christian community is called to be markedly different from other communities. Whereas other communities (our circle of friends, perhaps?) tend to be insular, I think the Christian community is called to be open to all, to all who seek Christ and even those who don't. Christ was open to all he met, but he gave them the choice to follow. Those who chose to follow entered into a challenging and life-changing community.

Okay, I'm done ranting. Just wanted to get that out there. Plus, it's probably more engaging than hearing about my day-to-day escapades.

Peace...

My what? My grill!

I bought a grill.

I will now cook delicious meats upon said grill.

I also bought a bocce ball set, so I'm looking forward to that too. I remember first being introduced to bocce ball at Off-Campus events during Rush. It is a simple lawn game that entails throwing softball-sized balls at a smaller target ball. And it is good times. I miss Rush.

Jill and I went to the Zoo on Thursday, and it was a lot of fun. Check Facebook for pictures of animals. And Jill in a giant nest, looking extraordinarily cute.

I love summer.

Peace...

I am a killing machine...

At least on Star Wars Battlefront II, that is. I racked up over 300 kills in one round. Stupid thing resets at 255 though for some reason, so I had to keep a manual count.

As you can tell, I'm doing nothing productive. Summertime is great. Although it would be better if a certain special someone were here. Oh well... just a couple more days.

My mom visited yesterday. She was on her way down to Florida to spend a week with some family members. So it was nice to get to spend some time with her, since I haven't been home all year. Literally. We hung out, went to my softball game (we lost, dang it), and then had dinner with friends/coworkers of mine. Good times.

Alright... I think I'm gonna try to get some real work done for SHIFT tomorrow night. It's the last one of the season, and I need to organize my thoughts.

And then I'll probably kill some more stuff. But only on my PS2.

Peace...

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...

I'm such a sap. Jill's out of town for a few days, and I'm just sitting around my apartment. Kinda sad. Missing her. Bored. Etc. I suppose there are plenty of things I could be doing, but instead I'm sitting here dwelling in my malaise. She'll be back in a few days, but man, it's just not the same without her.

Now that school is finally finished (yes, I did finish that last paper. Sort of. I kinda ran out of time, but it wasn't totally horrible. But the best part is that it is finished), I have time to breath again. To enjoy life again. To hang out with Jill, with friends, with all my friends at Briarlake, etc. To read for fun. To rest. To watch movies. You get the point.

And now that I have this free time, I've been feeling kinda weird lately. Not like health-weird, more like a-lot-on-my-mind weird. I find myself locked up inside my head, even when I'm hanging out with Jill or other people. Odd. It happens every now and then, I suppose. I remember times like this in the past, where I would spend more time thinking things over with myself instead of talking to other people. I guess that's just how I roll most of the time. But I need to learn to talk more to other people. To seek their advice, to bounce ideas. We live in community- be it our friends, the church, work, family, whatever. People are communal. I *know* this, I just find it hard to really do. I've always been rather private and more than comfortable keeping to myself. Note to self: open up sometimes- you have someone who will listen.

I don't even know why it happens, why I get lost in my own head. There's not that much there. I guess recently I've spent a lot of time looking toward the future, trying to get my plans set up for next school year, and then after that.... ominous... It's a daunting task, staring "the real world" right in the face and trying not to blink. Come this time next year, I will be a graduate of Candler with a Master's Degree, and trying to find gainful employment. And on a more important, personal level, I'll (Lord willing... seriously. Please?) be with Jill and figuring out where we're going to be and what we'll be doing. All my adult life (so far), I've been able to make decisions based on what I need/want to do. But I'm at a point in my life where I need to think not only of myself, but how those decisions impact others. Not saying that I haven't tried (or should have) to do that in the past, but when it came down to it, I had the final call.

Now things are different. It's a new challenge, and I'm just getting into it. I guess that's why I've been lost in my own thoughts. This whole "thinking bigger than myself" thing is a newish development. Hopefully I won't mess it up. Life is pretty spectacular now, and things are going really well. I just need to step up and be the person I can be. Be the best boyfriend, youth minister, friend, son, whatever, that I can be. And that's probably going to involve me opening up and giving a bit more of myself. Something at which I have not always been the best. So, I guess by writing this out, I'm pushing myself to step up to the challenge. Let's see how this all works out.

Peace...

I am Jack's complete lack of brainpower

Yes I haven't posted in months after repeated statements saying I would. Sorry.

It's the end of the semester, and one stinkin' final exam stands between me and nearly 4 months of freedom. And I can't write. I haven't had writer's block this bad ever. 6 single spaced pages gets me to freedom, and I can't make myself write.

I am completely tapped out, mentally.

This has been a vicious semester for me, school work-wise. Everything else outside of school has been incredible- I've got an amazing woman who loves me, I've got a job working with an awesome group of kids, I have great friends who make me laugh, etc. But school just sucked this semester. Despite my typical complaints, I've always kind of enjoyed school. Not this semester.

And so instead of forcing myself to type, I am sitting here updating this blog. This paper is due Monday at 5pm. A little under 3 days from now. That's way too much time. I work so much better under pressure. Perhaps that is why I can't write. I actually feed off the pressure and it forces me to focus. I've always been that way. Some people hate it, and I seem to need it to write. But I want so badly to be done. And this is the quandary.

I think I understand now what Paul was saying in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do" Such is my life. I want so much to just be done, and yet I do not write. I suppose I should learn from this. At the very least, I'll have a personal story should I ever preach on Romans 7.

I need to write. Let's hope I can power my way through this writer's block and reach that blessed land of freedom.

Peace...

Okay, so it's been awhile... but let me explain

Yes, I realize it's been almost 2 months since my last post. Yes, I know I said I'd start posting more often. Yes, I realize I am a liar. My apologies... but let me present my case.

It's been a really eventful and busy couple of months. First there were finals. Papers. Exams. Projects. School, school, school. Then, I went home for Christmas. Family time, presents, all that jazz. Came back to Atlanta. A few days of rest. Then, I had to meet with the pastor at Briarlake. I thought I had done something stupid (though I couldn't think of what it might have been). Turns out, I hadn't done anything stupid. Instead, they wanted to hire me as the interim youth minister. So, I got a job that I've felt called to do. It's an incredible feeling, being right where you feel you should be (more on that later...) Then school started. Now it's back to class, reading, writing, studying, busy-work, sleep, go to work, etc. It's a bit hectic.

Of course, I'm leaving something out. Something big. Something rather incredible. Before I get to that, allow me a brief (yet relevant) tangent.

A while back, I wrote here a little soul-baring reflection on dreams. I talked about how so many of my dreams (perhaps the term might be better read as "plans") had changed or not come true.

But on the other hand, sometimes dreams do in fact come true. It's strange how things work out.

Have you ever had someone enter your life and just completely floor you? Someone who you just couldn't get out of your mind? Well, I have.

I remember the first time we met. My entering class at Candler was doing the whole orientation thing, and we were at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Center for a field trip. I remember meeting her, and being pretty much enamored with her from the start.

She was brilliant. She was mysterious. She was beautiful. She was completely out of my league. I mean, just absolutely stunning. And she was talking to me, which is a shock in and of itself. I don't really remember what we said (I probably said something ridiculous; it's what I do), but I know that I couldn't get her out of my mind.

Not just for a day or a week. For a year and a half. We became close friends. She was actually my closest friend here. Yes, my best friend.

But now... well, now things are different.

Now, after nights of dreams and days of waiting, now I can say something I've wanted to say for a long, long time. Now, she's my girlfriend. By the way, all the attributes I listed, and probably a million more, still apply. Yeah, yeah. Cue the sappy, romantic stuff. Hey- it's my blog, I'll write what I want. Ha.

It's funny. All after all this time, we're now a couple. There was always some weird undercurrent, some weird tension between us. It made things kinda awkward sometimes, to be honest. But now, it feels normal. Right. It feels perfect to say, "Oh, this is Jill... my girlfriend." It feels like we're right where we should be. Together.

Life is absolutely incredible right now. I'm sure I've begun to annoy a few people with my ridiculous levels of happiness (sorry y'all). I've been giddy for nearly two months now. Absolutely crazy. I think it's funny how, sometimes, dreams really do come true. I spent a year and a half waiting for this to happen. And now it has. And I couldn't be more... well, I don't even have the words for it. I can't describe it. I've been trying to for weeks now, and I cannot sculpt any sort of expression that is adequate. It sounds all Hallmark-esque, but that doesn't change the fact that it's honest. My life is spectacular. And if you're reading... it's mostly because of you, Jill.

Peace...

I am alive...

I am alive. And well. But busy. It is finals, and I am slowly being destroyed by stacks of books and papers to write. Fear not, I shall return, victorious.

Peace...

A Little Less Frustration, A Little More Action Please...

Gar. Just... gar. I'm feeling kinda frustrated right now, for many reasons. Primarily because my truck isn't working. Yeah, the one I just bought in February. It is now just a useless pretty piece of metal sitting in front of my apartment. I'm ready to sell it, I'm tired of hassling with a vehicle that should work. I think it's a battery cable problem, but I have no real clue. All I know is it isn't working, and the guy I know and trust to work on it is 6 hours and 400 miles away.

I never realized how much of a hassle it is being without a vehicle. I was lucky enough (or rather I worked enough to save up enough money) to have bought my own vehicle by the time I was able to drive, and have had one ever since. Now, of course, I still have one. It just doesn't want to work.

Anyway, I really feel for anyone who doesn't have the resources to own their own vehicle. It's a total pain- I either have to rely on friends to get me to work, or I can hassle with MARTA. Either way, I've lost a lot of convenience and a lot of time.

Enough ranting. Think positive.

Had a New Testament test today, and I feel okay about it, especially considering the amount of studying I was able to squeeze in yesterday. Many of my friends were nervous and worried about it, but I was practically approaching a state of apathy about it. I guess I'm just calm and relaxed, I don't let minor things like a test bother me. I've never been one to get worked up over tests. I find myself often telling people "You know, in 5 years, you won't even remember this test." In the big scheme of things, a single test in a single class is incredibly small.

Let's see, what else is going on?

Oh! The youth group went to a corn maze and then played paintball on Saturday. The corn maze was okay, but the paintball was AMAZING! I had a great time. I'm now seriously thinking about getting a paintball gun. I can't wait to go back. It was my first time playing, and I have to say that I think I did okay for a rookie. I got shot a few times (and it hurt much less than I had heard it would), and I got a few kills. My best shot all day was in our next-to-last match. I was on one end of the field, and I popped up over a dirt bunker. I spotted an opponent clear across the field as he popped up from behind a bunker. I took one shot, and hit him right in the mouth. It was incredible. Good times, indeed.

Other than that, not much is going on. Just the daily grind of class, study, write, read, work, sleep repeat.

Alright, enough for now. I have to go watch a movie ("As Good As It Gets") for my Ecclesiastes class. I'll write more later this week.

Peace...

Birthdays and Dreams and Other Things...

I know, I know. I said I'd update more often. And of course, I haven't. But I'm here now, and I have a little something to say.

A little something.

Haha... I'll be here all week. Tip your waitstaff. Try the veal, it's delicious.

But seriously-

Tuesday was my birthday. I'm 24 now. I'm old. I had a good birthday- skipped my first class, had dinner with several of my friends that evening. My family sent me a big ole box o' gifts. I spent quite a bit of time reflecting on my 24 years (I'll get into that later).

Catalyst Conference was pretty cool. I enjoyed it quite a bit. The speakers were for the most part good (and some were great), the music was good, and it was rather fun. Let's see, what all did we do? I was involved in the world's largest pillowfight (10,000 people), we assaulted the national dodgeball champions; a good time was had by all.

Speakerwise, my favorites were Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz), Marcus Buckingham (a British guy who worked for the Gallup organization), and Kevin Carroll (who worked for Nike as a creative genius, essentially).

Miller talked about how the church needs to not merely confront culture, but rather be on the leading edge of shaping and influencing culture, while at the same time getting past it's own issues and really being the church. Or at least that's what I got out of it.

Buckingham, coming from a business background, spoke about being a better leader, about how the most important task a leader faces is turning a person's talent into performance. To do that, he said leaders need to find what unique strengths a person has and figure out how to capitalize on that strength.

Of all the speakers, I think Kevin Carroll really struck me the most. He talked about the value of play, and how it leads to creativity. He talked about how, as children get older, society tends to squeeze out the creative mind and spirit every kids has, and in so doing, really hinders our ability to be creative later in life. He also talked about how important it was for us to dream. Not sleep-type dreams, but dreams we (should) have for our lives. Big, ridiculous, sky-high dreams that seem unreachable. He also talked about how kids view the world: they see everything as a first. They are fascinated with life, and that feeds creativity.

Essentially, he encouraged us to dream. To play. To look at the world as a child. To me, it was the most important thing anyone said at the conference. And it caused me to really think about my dreams, what I see in life.

So, my dreams in life have been on my mind a lot as of late. I've been known to dream big on occasion. Of course, too often I surrender those dreams to the circumstances around me- school, money, etc. It seems that when things heat up, the tangible stuff is easier to grasp, and the elusive quality of dreams causes them to slip right through my hands. It's frustrating, really.

I used to think that I had to develop this detailed plan for my life, that my future steps were being laid out before me through my current actions. I worked (somewhat) hard in high school to get into a good school on a full scholarship. I had a very serious relationship with a girl who I thought I was going to marry. I went to college. I worked (somewhat) hard once I decided I wanted to pursue further education. Now I'm in seminary/grad school in order to become a youth minister/possibly a professor.

But the more I think about it, the more I feel God doesn't want me (us) to focus so much on my (our) plans, my (our) details, my (our) small little world(s). It's funny- I didn't get that full scholarship for undergrad. I broke up with the girl I was engaged to. I slacked my first two years of undergrad, and only applied myself over my last two years (and even then, I know I could have worked harder). I'm in school still (and this time I am applying myself. Maybe not as much as I could, but more than I did in undergrad). I'm single. I'm 6 hours away from what I have called home for 23...no 24 years now. I moved here and I didn't know a single person. It's been a very interesting few years. Many of my short term dreams did not come true.

The plan I had all figured out came apart at the seams.

I think God wants us to enjoy life, to enjoy the world we have. I'm not saying we shouldn't plan, or that we should not work to make this world better- I think God calls us to do those things. I am not proposing rampant hedonism. But I think, I believe, that God wants us to both enjoy life and to work at making the world a better place.

I've been reading Ecclesiastes for a couple of months now (due to studying it for class). Repeated throughout the book is the idea to simply eat, drink, and find joy in your toil, because it is all going to end. The stones that we stack will fall, and the sand will cover them. The stuff we acquire we cannot keep. The fleeting joys we seek in this world are insufficient. The plans we make do not come to fruition. In the end, after all has fallen away, broken and tattered, all that remains is God.

A lot of people might find that disconcerting. But personally, it gives me great comfort. To quote Thrice (one of my favorite bands EVER)

"I know one day,
All our scars will disappear,
Like the stars at dawn
And all of our pain,
Will fade away when morning comes
And on that day
When we look backwards we will see,
That everything is changed
And all of our trials,
Will be as milestones on the way." -"For Miles"

(Thrice's album Vheissu, from which this song comes, is, I think, the soundtrack for my life so far. It's a great album and I recommend it to anyone.)

I know that all that is wrong in this world, all the pain, all the suffering, will one day be made right. I know that it is my responsibilty to work at this (though not to assume I can do it on my own). I know that, one day, our scars will fade. That helps.

Okay, I hate to make anyone depressed, and I'm drifting from my point. But I find it interestingly funny how some things that I find extremely comforting really bother some people and upset them.

Back to dreams...

Tuesday was my birthday, as I mentioned before. I always get reflective around my birthday. So that's why this entry has been both long and intense. But it's definitely something I needed to say. Besides, I promised you more than just updates of what my days are like. So, in the vein of dreaming and reflectiveness and so on, I have been dreaming.

I realize my two main focuses in this post seem contrary to each other. I say dreaming is important, and yet I rambled about how I think God doesn't want us to plan out our lives. But I feel the two are not opposites. I think God wants us to dream, to dream big even. I wonder- did God not dream big when creating this whole universe?

But dreaming is not a business plan. Dreaming is not detail oriented. Dreams are fuzzy. They are blurry and jumbled and confusing. In essence, dreams are us. And we are, in some sense, the summation of our dreams.

I hope you dream.

Peace...

Yeah, nothing.

I tried to think of something worth writing here. I really did.

But the thoughts would not come. They are elsewhere, probably running freely, frolicking around like I imagine thoughts do when they're avoiding their job- which would be to manifest themselves in my mind so that I may transfer them from mind to paper (or bytes, as the case may be), and you may enjoy them.

Not happening. This whole "updating more often" thing is going to be difficult if I can't think of anything to write. Maybe I've got writer's block. Of course, one has to be some manner of a writer before that can happen, I believe.

So, on that note, I'll end this. Maybe tomorrow something will come to me while sitting bored in class.

Peace...

I gotta start updating more...

Yeah, sorry about that. It's been a little while since the last update.

Short recap: School happens.

Back into the swing of things, I now realize how little time I have. If I'm not in class, I'm reading for class. If I'm not doing that, I'm working at church. If not at church, I'm probably asleep. Wedged in there are random segments usually occupied by friends. That seems to be my current day-to-day cycle. I usually forget all about this thing.

This week was, well, kinda crappy. On Tuesday I was walking to class, stepped off the edge of the sidewalk and fell flat on my face. Just...BAM! I landed awkwardly and nearly dislocated my shoulder. To top it off, I broke my phone. So that sucked.

Tuesday night I was actually going to go to IHOP with some friends. Got in my car, tried to turn the key... nothing. Stinkin' thing wouldn't start. This is the third time it has happened. It made me angry. So I messed with it for about 30 minutes. Getting nowhere, I decided to call it a night, so that I wouldn't get totally frustrated and push the thing off a cliff.

Woke up late Wednesday morning, and missed the shuttle to class. So, I was walking back to my apartment. Decided to try the truck, merely for curiosity's sake. It started right up. It's like the miraculous car-fixing fairy came by during the night. Anyway, I decided to drive to class, when on the way, the truck died. I was able to get it started, and I drove it back to my apartment (definitely missing class). So I spent the day reading for class and doing homework.

Wednesday night was good. Our SHIFT meeting went well, and it only took a couple hours. Now we have a good plan which should help shorten our Wednesday night meetings.

Spent the better part of this afternoon building a bookshelf and cleaning my room. It was a mess. I could barely walk through the place. My mom's obsessive cleanliness must have passed on to me- the mess was really starting to bother me. Now, the room is clean. And I have a bookshelf, which means no more random piles of books all over the floor.

Looking ahead- the Catalyst conference is this week- Wednesday through Friday. I'm really looking forward to that, for several reasons. Primarily, it will be an excellent opportunity to hear some great speakers and hopefully learn something. For those who don't know, Catalyst is for young church/religious leaders. They bring in relevant authors, teachers, church people, etc. to talk about all kinds of stuff. Secondly, it will get me out of school for a couple of days, and I'll get to hang out with some people from Briarlake, which is something I miss quite a bit. I'm definitely looking forward to the latter half of this week. Not so much the first half, since I have to do all my work for the week in advance, since I won't be in class on Thursday or Friday.

So that's what is going on, and what will be going on.

I'm really going to try to be more consistent in updating this, as a challenge to myself. And as a reward to all my loyal fans- all two of you...haha.

I think I'll try to update maybe late tomorrow (since I'll be at church all day and most of the night) or Monday. Maybe I'll have something to talk about instead of just telling you what I've been doing. I need a muse...

Peace...

My future homelessness and other assorted musings...

Yeah, so I'm going to be homeless soon.

Emory has "other plans" for Turner Village starting July, 2007. Which means I've gotta find somewhere else to live for next school year (I'm cool this year). It would have been REALLY nice if they would have told me this before I signed a lease for this year. I would have went ahead and moved somewhere to get it over with. ARGH! I'm just frustrated right now, about this housing crap, and school stuff, and just other stuff.

School started on Tuesday. It's going to be an intense semester. Essentially, the only classes I am taking this semester are requirements- I've got Intro to New Testament, Systematic Theology, Ecclesiastes, Intro to Judaism and Con Ed. Notice the lack of youth ministry-related courses. That's kind of a bummer. Oh well. C'est la vie, n'est-ce pas?

Anyway, I'm still getting back into the school flow, which is in no way related to the ill flow I have when I step to the mic... wait. What? Yeah... sorry. I'm trying to get used to reading, and writing papers, and going to class. All that stuff they expect you to do in grad school. Who's idea was that, by the way? I'm ready to be done with school. I'm ready to get into a full-time youth ministry position. But, I've got two more years here, and I plan on making the best of them. I'm at one of the top schools in the country, both Emory and Candler, so I just need to be thankful for the opportunity, even if it does seem ridiculous at times.

SHIFT is going well. We've had a great couple of events, and I have a feeling this Sunday is going to be great as well. We've got all kinds of good plans. Of course, it means nothing if God's not working there. But I feel God has been, and will continue to be, there. We've all been praying for SHIFT and Momentum, and so far it's been awesome. So for those of you who read this, keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Let's see, what else is new? Got a new roommate. Todd. We have a lot in common, and we act quite a bit alike. We're going to get along pretty well. He's a cool cat.

Mentally, I've been lost in thought as of late, my mind working overtime trying to figure some things out. I don't even know. Thought I had it figured out, now I'm not so sure. So many things are beyond my control (Obscure and vague, I know. Just let me keep this one to myself).

As an aside, my Ecclesiastes class is going to be good for me I think. When I read the book, I feel like I could have written it. I can feel the author's frustration with the way things are, his angst when he says "Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless," (or "Vanity" depending on the translation. Both are accurate). It just seems like no matter how much I try, no matter how hard I work, things don't ever seem to work out. I was looking at some lyrics from Thrice the other day, and the song "Stare at the Sun" stuck out. The chorus goes like so:

"'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind"

I feel like I need God to do something in my life (notice "I feel like I need," not "I know I need"), something miraculous. Things are going well. This summer was awesome, and I learned so much, and I was able to do so much with the youth. All that was excellent. It really was. I loved it, and it's the main reason I don't want to go back to school. But all that stuff was somewhat external. I don't know; my thoughts on this are running as I type. I just feel like I could use something in my life; I feel a void, an incompleteness, like a huge part of me is just missing. Hmm...

Back to Ecclesiastes... yeah, this class will be awesome. The professor is brilliant (most of them are at Candler. Brilliant, but strange.), and he's funny. And I love the subject. So, hopefully that all adds up to me reaching a deeper, tripartite understanding: more understanding of God, of the book, and of myself.

Alright. I've babbled long enough. No one is reading anymore...haha. I kid, I kid. To anyone who does read, I appreciate it. Feel free to leave me a note, to call me out on something, whatever. Let me know what you think.

Until next time.

Peace...

Everything...

Man it's been a long time since I posted. Here's a short recap- after we got back from New Orleans, we had a week or two, then went to camp, which was pretty good. After camp, I've been mostly working on painting and renovating the youth building at church, which meant many 12+ hour days (like probably 15 in a 20 day span). Lots of hours...

That project is close to done, however, and I've spent the last couple of weeks working on our new stuff for the upcoming school year. We're doing two new worship services/experiences for our youth- SHIFT, for high school and college, and MOMENTUM, for middle school. So I've been working on that quite a bit (with a team of about 12 students and leaders). We had a big prayer meeting Saturday night to pray for SHIFT, MOMENTUM, the new school year, etc. We just spent like an hour praying that everyone who came would feel God's presence at SHIFT, etc. It was awesome. That brings us to last night...

Last night was the first SHIFT service. I was at church working with the team all day yesterday. We had a crew completely redesign the gym where we hold Sunday morning services. We had like 200 candles and rugs and stuff. We had an awesome band, and Alfred (my boss and the student minister), spoke. It seemed like the whole thing was just hanging by a thread all afternoon as we were working on stuff; things just weren't clicking for me (by the way, I'm serving as the quasi-director for this service, so I'm sort of responsible if it doesnt work).

But fortunately, it all came together, and I really think it went great. I felt God's presence there, and I think many of the students were shocked as well. It was something completely different for them, and from talking to them afterwards, I really think they liked it a lot.

I'm still kinda wired from the service. I was so excited about the way things turned out. I don't really know what to say about it, other than it was incredible. Now, we have to plan the next one...haha.

The band played the song "Everything" by Lifehouse last night, and it was amazing. I love this song. Here's some of the words:

"And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this?

Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything... everything"

(You may have heard this song on Smallville, by the way)

That's kind of the way I feel right now. Just, how can I stand here amidst the wonderous creation God has made, and not be moved by it? How can I be at a worship service where 30-40 kids are praising God and not be moved by it? It's powerful, and anyone who thinks otherwise is missing out. It was awesome, as in awe-inspiring. Right now, I'm just realizing that God is incredible, and I just don't know what to say.

So, that's what's been going on with me as of late. Well, some of it anyway. There are other cool things going on. We'll just leave it at that for now...

Pics from New Orleans, as promised

Here are the some pics from my recent mission trip to New Orleans, as promised. The construction ones are obviously from the worksite. The destruction ones are from the Lower 9th, and I'm posting them only because I want to keep it in people's minds how bad the devastation was, and still is. There is still a lot of work to be done. Then there are some other, random pics from the trip. Here you go...















































There you go. Like I said before, it was an awesome trip, and now I get to look forward to camp. We leave this coming Sunday, and return that Thursday night. I'm definitely excited. This will actually be my first youth camp experience. I've been to other camps (4-H, stuff like that) but never a camp focused on one's spiritual life. So this Student Life camp should be an interesting experience.

Alright, it's lunch time. Peace...

I need words...

Wow. Just wow.

For those of you who don't know, I just spent the last week in New Orleans on a mission trip with the youth at Briarlake, and we just got back tonight.

To be honest, I am almost speechless. I simply don't have many of the words right now to explain. About the devastation- I can talk about that. It's bad. I saw houses completely flipped upside down, cars destroyed, just destruction on more destruction. But here and there are signs of hope, the faintest breaths of a city coming back to life.

We worked with Habitat for Humanity and the Baptist Crossroads project. The Crossroads project was actually being planned before Katrina, and after the hurricanes and floods, it was expanded. The current plan is to build 79 houses in the 9th ward (where some of the the worst flooding was). Our group worked all week, doing everything from organizing materials, tools and supplies, to acutally framing up houses and so forth. It was hot. It was difficult. It was amazing. I'll talk about that later, and I'll post some pictures once I get my camera back.

But what most moved me was the transformation and growth that took place in our group. This was my first big event with this group, and I was very curious as to how it would work out. And this is where I am close to speechless. I could talk and try to say how amazing it was, but I wouldn't do it justice; I would really only insult what happened. I don't want to cheapen the work with too many uselss words. This explanation will fall short of what I want to say. Essentially, it was a very powerful experience for me, and for many of the group. It really reconnected me with something that I feel has been missing in my life for too long now, and that would be feeling God's presence. Last night we had a foot washing ceremony, and it was the first time I have felt God, I mean really felt like God was there, in a long, long time. I broke down. I bawled. It was just so powerful to see these youth and leaders bowing humbly before one another and washing each other's feet. It is such a connecting, sincere experience. The leaders started off by washing the feet of the youth, and then the youth were invited to wash the feet of people that had affected them throughout the week.

Let me tell you, it was one of the most...just... I guess humbling, touching, and heartening experiences of my entire life, to have some of these youth, my youth, come to me and wash my feet. It felt like God was reaching into my chest and wrenching my heart, pumping the blood and life through me. And it was equally powerful for me to wash the feet of these kids who I had seen work so hard, who I had seen give so much of themselves for something bigger than themselves. It was moving. So moving.

And now that I am back, I miss them. I am sitting here in my apartment, and I feel their absence, literally feel it around me. I wait to hear the sound of them running down the hall to go play four-square. I miss them sitting around talking. I miss sharing life with them. And it hurts. But it's a good hurt. Right now, I am just amazed at God's power and majesty. How God can take something so simply as driving a nail, or packing a board, or riding in a van together, or washing each other's feet, and turn it into something great, something awe-inspiring, something so sincere. I'm crying right now simply by remembering it. The youth were awesome. The trip was great. But God is so much better than any of that. And for me, that is powerful.

I suppose I could continue rambling on, but it isn't going to help. Maybe I will have words later. For now, I'll steal some from David Crowder...

"And He set me on fire,
And I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs
I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in
And remain composed.
Love's taken over me
And so I propose
Letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

I need to catch my breath,
I need to.
I need to catch my breath,
Give me a moment now.

I'm laughing so hard..."

Right now, I'm alive. I feel better than I have in a long, long time. And, like everything else, I owe it all to the awesomeness of God. I only wish I could explain...

I love this job...

Just got back a little while ago from my first day on the job at Briarlake, which is going to be a lot of fun, almost too much- right, like that's even possible. Emily and I even get our own cubicle...haha. Basically, we just come in late, do whatever needs to be done, and then hang out with the kids.

We spent 2.5 hours today at a staff meeting, then touring the "campus" and goofing off. I played some drums, Emily rolled around on roller skates, Alfred harassed maintenance men (good natured-ly, of course). Good times all around. This is definitely going to be the most fun job I've ever had. And they might want to continue paying us throughout the next school year (maybe?) which would be sweet. I love my job.

I went home last week for graduations, Transy's and my sister's. It's hard to imagine that I graduated last year! It seems like yesterday. And it seems like yesterday I was just meeting the people in this graduating class. Crazy. Time does indeed fly. Anyway, home was good. Got to see the family (which I probably won't be able to do again until late August), and several Transy peoples. It still doesn't seem possible that people like the first FUPpers I "led" are graduated. As well as others. And my sister, that's crazy too! Now she's going on to college, which makes me rather proud of her. She hates school. But I think it will be very good for her.

Alright, I'm going to go play some video games or do something useless. It's what I do best.

Peace...

The zombie apocalypse and trying to be a good listener...

So, I was goofing off this morning (imagine that), and stumbled across a wonderful time waster for anyone who likes zombies (and honestly, who wouldn't?)- http://www.urbandead.com is a turn based game wherein one creates a character and tries to survive a zombie apocalypse. So, being the fan of games, zombies, survivalism, and apocalypses that I am, I decided to play. You're very limited in what you can do, but it seemed like a good way to waste a few minutes each day. I probably will, anyway.

Going home Friday, for Transy's graduation, and then staying through 6/3 to see my sister graduate from high school. I'll be in Lexington this weekend, possibly getting a group together to go see X-Men 3 on Friday night, if anyone is interested. You know how to find me...

What have I been up to since the last update you (don't) ask? Well, absolutely nothing productive, that's for sure. I spend my days playing video games, reading, watching movies, and wasting time on the internet. I did talk to Alfred (at Briarlake), and I start that job on 6/4. Looking forward to doing something productive. Well, let me rephrase that- I look forward to being productive in that context, not so much being productive in general.

I've also spent a lot of time talking to people about relationships- break-ups, fights, etc. It seems like a great many of the people I know (from Transy, Emory, everywhere) are having some difficult times. So, I try to be a good friend and listen to them, and maybe even help them through it. But most of the time I feel useless, because there isn't anything I can do, other than listen. I don't really like feeling useless. In situations like this, however, listening and trying to be some source of comfort is pretty much all I can do. I wish I had the ability to make things right. I'd be rich (and of course, I would be helping people, which is honestly much more important). I hope my "help" has been just that- some help.

I find I am often someone that people turn to when they need to talk. I'm not really sure why that is- I'm no expert, I'm not much of a talker, and my advice is often just common sense. I suppose I make people feel comfortable, or so I am told. To be honest, when people come to me for advice, I'm usually just worried I'll say something stupid that causes more problems (which has happened on occasion). Of course, I do want to work with youth, and dealing with problems is a big part of that, so I suppose all the times people come to me for advice is good practice for that...haha. But, I care about the people who come to me, even if I feel unqualified. I try to help.

Ok, enough of that. I suppose I should get back to my busy schedule, so much to do, so little time. I love being at school with nothing to do. Those were always some of the best times at Transy, and I can see that trend continuing here...

Peace...

Yet another boring update...

It's been a long time since my last update- end of semester press and all. Lots of paper writing and reading. But on the bright side, I am done with forced academic work until September, leaving me free to engage in much more useful and beneficial stuff- that is, non-forced academic work. Translation- stuff in which I have an actual vested interest, namely working with the youth group at Briarlake, and "independent study."

I've already started reading some of the stuff I want to read this summer. Today I found a copy of "Fight Club" at a local used book store, so I'm about 3/4 the way done with that. I love that book, and the movie.

What else have I been up to? I spent a little over a week at home, visiting people at Transy and spending time with the fam. After finishing up my work for the semester (including a marathon session that resulted in 35 pages or writing in 2 days), Iturned the papers in and bolted for my old Kentucky home, God's country. I spent a few days at Transy, and was able to see just about everyone I intended to see, and even got some "bonus time" with people I didn't expect to see, including but not limited to Jon and Hutch (shout out). Good times. Then I went home, and did the family thing, also good times (for the most part).

Now I have two weeks here to do basically nothing, which I find to be glorious. The only thing I really need to do is get in touch with the people at Briarlake to set up when I will be starting, and to find out more about what exactly I will be doing. Other than that, nothing. It's going to be wonderful.

So, now that the boring recap of my actions is complete, I suppose I should talk about something of substance. Hmm... yeah, I got nothin'. I've never been accused of having substance anyway, other than the physical. I'll think about it and get back to you. Seeing as how my schedule has cleared up, I imagine I'll be updating this more often, so the two or three of you who actually read this can get pumped about that! I am Jack's wasted sarcasm and self-deprecating humor.

Peace...

On Battery, both academic and actual

The end of the semester approaches, silent and stalking like a ninja, and at the same time loud and aggressive like some sort of rabid lion intent on devouring my flesh. It's quiet because it snuck up on me, and yet now it is yelling in my ear to do one of the many papers I have to do. Between now and 5/4, I have to write about 35 pages worth of stuff, and maybe take an Old Testament test. Academic battery. Candler should plead guilty and hope for a lesser sentence.

As far as "actually" actually goes, I was not assaulted. My battery on the new ride crapped out. I was heading out for Pigeon Forge this morning, going to visit the fam for a day as they were at Rod Runs (a huge classic car show/meeting/whatever). Went to turn the engine over, and got nothin'. Grrr... I am Jack's consistent frustration when things do not work. I really hate it when things do not work. I just got this car like two months ago. Given, the battery was old, but I was hoping it gained new life at the prospect of being owned by someone who would love it and take care of it.

My affections were spurned.

So, I spent about 5 hours total messing with it. I started by checking the connections. I unhooked all the stuff, allowed the computer to reset, etc. No luck. Tried to jump it, nothing. Finally, I conned a friend into taking me to get the battery charged. Props by the way to Derek "D-Rob" Robinette for helping a fellow Kentucky boy out. You are a gentleman and a scholar, even though you are deserting us for Asbury next year. It's okay though, you are getting married. I'll allow it. Sometimes, I too wish I was home in KY, for sure.

Eventually, I got the thing working (courtesy of a new deluxe-top-of-the-line-three-year-warrantee battery) though not in time to really have a chance to drive the 4 hours to the Forge and fight all the traffic there. So, no family visit for me. At least I'll be seeing them in two weeks, so it isn't an extraordinary loss, just a delay.

Other than that, things are going well. No luck on the zombie game. It's okay- people will come around. And if they don't, Michael, Tory and I (and probably others) at least will be prepared for the invasion. I will survive when the zombies rise!

Let's see, anything else of note? Oh, had a friend (Katie Bartlett) come visit Candler, I tried to convince her to come here next year (HINT HINT, if you're reading). That was fun. Good times. She got to meet some Candler people, and I'm not quite sure that was a good thing....haha. I kid, I kid. So we'll see how that pans out. It would be really nice to have someone here I know from back home. That would be cool. So, any of you out there interested in graduate education in Religion, Theology, Ministry, etc. let me know. I can put in some good words, and I'll give you a personal tour.

Alright, enough babbling. I think I'm going to go watch a movie....mmm....movies. I love movies.

Peace.

Zombies. Humans. Awesomeness.

So I ran across this site from a link on Fark.com: http://phoenix.goucher.edu/~jsegedy/hvz/Options.php. It's a game similar to "Assassins" (popular on college campuses, involving "killing" target people) in execution (pun intended); that is it's a live-action simulation of sorts involving "zombies" and humans, along with nerf weapons [Disclaimer- this is not my original idea. Props and all that go to Brad Sappington, Chris Weed, and Jim Segedy for the game. I have no idea who they are, but they put it together] . Now I have another goal to add to my list of things to do before I die (maybe a topic for another post): I want to play this game.

It needs a few modifications I think, such as the inclusion of headshots as a manner of stopping the zombies to give the humans a chance of "winning" (instead of just surviving as long as they can), to be a true reflection of zombie-ness, but overall it looks like a lot of fun. I'm already working on rules to make it more interesting (at least in my mind). So, if you're reading this and you think it would be fun or you have ideas, let me know. I'm open to any insight.

Other than that excitement, not much is going on. I registered this week for classes for the fall. I'm taking New Testament with Luke Timothy Johnson (noted Biblical scholar), Systematic Theology with Don Saliers (noted professor as well), Con Ed II (at Briarlake Baptist, see previous posts), and right now I am enrolled in both Intro to Judaism and "A Skeptic in Scripture: Ecclesiastes," one of which I will be dropping and replacing with a course on Buddhism in the undergraduate religion department. I'm really looking forward to the undergrad course, because I enjoyed the Buddhism course I had at Transy (with the wonderful Dr. Trina Jones), and I am interested in seeing how it stacks up to my undergrad experience at Transy. But overall the schedule looks good. I may end up dropping both Judaism and Ecclesiastes, I'm not sure if I want to do the 5 course semester again. I feel like I'm always in class this semester, and while it isn't overly difficult, I'd just prefer less time in class (meaning fewer assignments). I'd be fine just going to classes. It's those silly papers and tests that bore me.

Non-school-wise, it's been a dull few weeks. Not much going on, no one seems to want to hang out, due to being busy, lazy, etc. I'll leave the reasons to choice, though I have my suspicions. I haven't really hung out with a big group of people in a while. I see people here and there, go out with a couple people now and then, but I'm one who enjoys a larger group at times too. And that's not happening, for various reasons. I guess I just got really spoiled at Transy, always having a million people coming by the room, going places, hanging out, etc. I lost count of how many people I found sleeping in "The Lounge" over the course of my time there. It was cool being so close to people. I miss living on the hall: no hall frisbee or Tag-bombing or Barbie ball here. I miss two out of three there....haha. And I don't get to set things on fire here, or throw microwaves and other junk out the windows (at most it's a two-story drop). Oh well...

Enough whining. Summer break is almost here, and I have big plans for that. I'm going to a lot of Braves games, I'm going to build a trebuchet (not full-scale sadly- I don't think I can legally build siege weaponry on campus, which in my opinion is a total drag), I'm going to read for fun, I'm going to play some video games, I'm going to work on my book. And most importantly, I'm hopefully going to be working with youth again. Still waiting to iron out all the details for the summer stuff at Briarlake. I'd like to get those ironed out ASAP so I can look for another part time job (since sadly the Briarlake position is only 15 hours/week). I'm thinking maybe a bookstore (thanks to Jon Clark for the idea). Who knows?

I think that should cover it for now. Oh, one more thing: my fraternity brothers won Campus Sing (also known as Greek Sing at a lot of places) again, which is like, I'm not sure, probably at least 3 years in a row, if not more. The theme was "One Hit Wonders," and you can see video of them rocking it out here: http://www.kylelibra.com/CampusSing. We're the ones in the lower left corner (Delta Sigma Phi). Congrats also to the lovely ladies of Phi Mu, who won the sorority competition, and to everyone involved. I'm sure together we all raised hundreds, if not thousands, of pounds of food. End shameless plug.

Until next time, remember: stay calm, carry lots of ammo, keep moving and aim for their heads...